both of us- enraged, one 3 year old- defiant & one 2 year old- destroying all the things.
it's a recipe for disaster.
i'm a "omg are you freaking serious right now, what the heck, why are you, didn't i say, omg omg omg, just stop it right now!!?!!?!" kind of person. my voice starts off low, steady & reasoning & then it climbs & i reach a pretty impressive octave that lies somewhere between a soprano & a 1/2 screech.
the husband is a "ENOUGH!!!!" kind of guy where it starts & ends with yelling. man yelling- pure & simple.
i've pretty much been under the assumption that my "yelling" is way less worse than his. like the other night, when alex wouldn't go to sleep to save her life. the husband was trying to reason but alex was having none of it. so yelling ensued. storming up the stairs ensued & "omg what is her problem!?" questions ensued.
i was dealing with 2 very tired individuals. one had worked for 12 hours straight & still needed to go outside & shovel. the other has given up naps but still expends enough energy throughout the day to warrant one.
Lord help me. so i trekked downstairs & asked alex what was wrong. she got all sniffly & exclaimed, "i'm sad because daddy is mad at me!" oh my. so i tried to explain that he wasn't mad, he was just tired & frustrated & she really needed to go to sleep so we could wake up & have fun & yadda yadda.
nope. not working. so i went upstairs & shook my finger at the husband, "YOU need to go downstairs & explain to your daughter that you ARE NOT mad at her! she's very upset! stop yelling so much!!! A POX ON YOU!!!"
he sighed, went downstairs & legit 5 minutes later all was well. i went back down to a beaming 3 year old who informed me that she liked daddy more than me (side-eye) & then headed back upstairs to a weary 33 year old who had moved on from the whole incident & was cursing the weather gods.
but i wasn't over it, oh no. i layed in. HE needed to stop yelling! HE needed to realize that yelling doesn't help! HE needed to understand that HIM yelling & me "raising my voice" are 2 VERY different things.
me: "YOU NEED TO STOP YELLING!"
him: "...you yell too you know."
me: "HARDLY! i just, like, raise my voice a little!"
him: "yeah, that's called yelling."
touche husband. touche.
the conversation ended with a laugh & a quick discussion that we need to yell less & talk more. ok cool.
but quite a few conversations have ended that way, & yet we still yell. BOTH of us. & while his yelling might be louder & more scary- my yelling is no better.
sometimes after i "raise my voice a little" brynn says, "mommy, you not mad!"
well, clearly i am kid.
but i really don't want to be. i want to yell less. i want the husband to yell less. i want our home to be a bit more peaceful.
so now, how? how do we move from the yelling that we are so accustomed to, to something else. because it's freaking hard. i've tried the, "well i'm just not going to yell. so there." approach & i think it lasted all of 1 day before i caved.
seriously guys- i'm lost. help me. what are your tips & tricks for a yell free home life?
i mean, i do think yelling has it's place. like, when your kid is about to run into danger or when you just need to be heard above ALL THE NOISE! but i feel like our (my house) fuses are super short at times & the yelling that goes on isn't warranted. so a different approach is needed.
& i'm serious about it this time. because, unless it's the fun kind of yelling that goes along with this:
i'm tired of it, you know?